What Is Love
by L.A. Doyle
Summary: After finally getting together, Sam and Jack's relationship is tried again. Together, will they be able to once again show their undying love and commitment to each other? Written for the SJ Ficathon. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.

This fic is for the Sam/Jack Ficathon. It's very late and I apologize! But due to RL and lack of inspiration…it took this long.

This was written for sg-1fanintn. These were her specifications:

Three things I want to see in the fic: S & J unwavering commitment to each other, a little action and adventure. Three things I don't want to see in the fic: S or J interested in other people, Pete, S & J with lots of kidlets

At first, this story might appear completely opposite of what she has requested. But stick with it and I think it will meet the specs. This story is also quite different than anything else I've posted, so… crosses fingers If you don't like angst, turn back now!

I have posted the first two chapters tonight. Beginning tomorrow night, I plan to post two chapters a day-one in the morning and one at night. I just have to get them proofed.

Special thanks to all my GW/YIM/RL buddies who were a great help-you know who you are. I also have to thank SamO'Neill on GW a bit extra because this was her idea, I just expanded on it. She gave it to me months ago and it fit this ficathon so perfectly. Oh, and she wrote my summary. :)

What Is Love

_What is love not tested?_

_What is commitment not tried?_

Sam ran full speed towards the gate, Daniel and Teal'c at her heels. This was not good. So not good. They had arrived on P3X-589 with the knowledge there was a settlement not far from the gate, somewhat advanced by the looks of it. They had not made it as far as the town…

_Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel walked down the well-worn trail. The first sun was beginning to dip below the horizon as the other rose. It was serene, until a figure came barreling out of the woodwork, headed straight towards Sam. _

_She didn't even have time to react before he was upon her. Sam pushed him away quickly and Teal'c grabbed him roughly by the arms, pulling him from his teammate. _

"_Sam?" Daniel asked, worry evident in his voice. _

_Sam was already looking in shock at her hand. It was stained with blood. She wiped her hand furiously against her pant leg._

"_Let me go! They're coming!" the man cried, fighting against Teal'c's hold._

"_Who?" Sam asked, as she worked on decontaminating her hands. She scrubbed at the red, disgusted._

"_Them. They're…they're going to kill me! Please!"_

_Sam took in the man's haggard appearance and the wounds he sported. This man didn't intend to hurt them. He was scared to death._

"_Why?" Teal'c questioned, not relinquishing his grasp. _

_Sam heard a shot and gasped slightly as the man slumped in Teal'c's arms. Fresh blood seeped from his chest. Teal'c felt for a pulse, then looked to Sam. "He is dead."_

_It only took Sam a split second to come up with a decision. They were getting the heck out of dodge. "To the gate! Daniel, dial it up as soon as we get there."_

_The young archaeologist didn't second guess Sam's choice as he heard the shouts come closer. _

Sam panted as she neared the gate, praying they'd make it out. Getting home now was more important than ever.

The familiar kawoosh drowned out the sounds of gunfire. Sam put in her code with lightening fast fingers. As soon as she got the confirmation, she waved the rest of her team toward the event horizon. She watched them dive through, and followed soon after.

* * *

Sam crept down the hallway, first stopping at the bathroom. She quickly washed up and changed for bed. After their return, she'd gotten hung up in the infirmary and at the debriefing. It was late.

The bedroom door creaked as she opened it, and Sam cringed. She didn't want to disturb him, though she had a feeling he liked the squeaky hinges. It alerted him to her presence; it let him know that she'd made it back.

The room wasn't completely dark, as he'd left the lamp on the lowest setting. His head was buried in the pillow, his upper arms and hands drawn up underneath it. The quilt was pulled around his waist, the dim light casting shadows on his bare back.

Sam smiled lightly, content. She had something, _someone_, to come home to now. Not that life wasn't worthwhile before…it just hadn't been as fulfilling.

She slipped into the bed, the mattress dipping the slightest bit under her weight. She inched closer to the other warm body in the bed, stretching out along side him. Sam rested her head on his shoulder, letting her fingers glide across his smooth skin.

"Sam?"

She ran her fingers along his spine. "Yeah, Jack?"

"You're back early."

"Mission didn't go as planned," she replied, hiding a yawn.

Jack rolled to his side, disturbing Sam's position. "What?" he asked.

Sam propped her head on her hand and looked at her husband. He was worried. She let her eyes drift closed as Jack tenderly searched her silky skin for imperfection. No matter how many times she went offworld, he always feared her getting injured, even when she had been under his command. It was something that had always been and always would be.

"I'm fine, Jack," she tried to reassure him. Sam's eyes fluttered open as his hand rested on her hip.

"I know. It's just…"

"I know," Sam sympathized. "But if I were really hurt, you'd know it. I can't hide that from you…for long anyway." She sent him a small smirk.

"That's true," Jack agreed, pulling her into his arms. "What went wrong?"

"Hostiles not far from the gate. Got out as soon as we could."

"Daniel and Teal'c?" Jack wondered.

"Everyone made it out alright, Jack. What did you do today?" Sam asked, trying to change the subject.

"Not too much. Got a call from the SGC earlier. I'm going in the day after tomorrow. Some more consulting work."

"Ah."

Jack was newly retired-almost four months. He'd worked in Washington for a year as head of Homeworld Security. After the death of Sam's father, they'd come to terms with their feelings. But still, it wasn't quite time for them. Jack had decided to take the job in Washington for a while, just to make sure the SGC would be left in good hands. That tour of duty had lasted longer than he'd liked, but now Jack was sure General Landry would do what was right for his old command.

As soon as he'd hung up his stars for good, he and Sam and taken that final step. They'd gotten married. Nine years was long enough to wait to be with someone. There had been no beating around the bush. They knew it was for keeps and marriage seemed the next logical step. Jack had moved back to The Springs, into Sam's place. He'd been a little stir crazy at first, but the SGC had contacted him and Jack would go in and help out when he could.

"Well, I'm glad you're back. Maybe we can get a little quality time in before the next mission comes up?" Jack asked, his tone suggestive. He poked her in the side playfully and Sam lifted her head to meet his gaze.

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" There was a tinge of disappointment in his voice.

Sam sighed, smiling ruefully. "I'm _really_ tired, Jack. This is the first night this week I might possibly get a good night's sleep." Sam yawned, as though reinforcing her point.

Jack nodded in understanding and drew her close again. "Then why don't you get some sleep, okay?"

Sam snuggled into his embrace. "Sorry," she said softly, her eyes drooping closed.

"Hey, it's alright. There's always tomorrow," he teased lightheartedly.

"Looking forward to it." Sam lightly poked him in return and Jack could feel her smile against his chest. He reached over and turned the lamp off, blanketing the room in darkness.

It wasn't long before sleep overtook the couple, sheltered in each other's arms.

* * *

Sam tapped her fingers on her keyboard in frustration. Her simulations were not yielding the results she wanted. In fact, they were so far off what she would have liked to see, she was baffled. Something must have been entered incorrectly, and that could have only been her fault. She frowned as her gaze bore into the computer screen.

"Whatcha doing?"

Sam's spirits immediately lifted at the sound of her husband's voice. "Hey!" she grinned.

"I've been hard at work all morning," Jack announced, finding a seat in a chair next to Sam. He pushed away from the counter and spun in a circle. "Ready for lunch?"

"Ah…I don't know. I'm having some difficulties with this," she replied, motioning towards her screen.

"Really?" Jack asked, a puzzled expression crossing his face as he studied the numbers and symbols.

"Yeah. I can't figure out what I've done wrong. Maybe-"

"Maybe you can't always be a super genius." Jack said bluntly.

Sam's brows furrowed. She didn't detect the normal humor in his voice. "Well, no, Jack. Of course not."

"So maybe you should let Dr. Lee look at it. He's pretty smart too, ya know. You're sharp Sam, but there are other people who can do your job. Now, lunch?"

"Jack?" Sam was almost at a loss for words. He'd always been nothing but supportive when she'd run into problems at work. Often times, he'd stay late with her in the lab, and that and that alone had gotten her through many long nights. She certainly wasn't the only one who could work on this project, but Jack's words had stung nonetheless.

"Let's get to the commissary before they run out of blue jello. Come on." He grinned brightly, standing to his feet.

Sam raised her eyebrow slightly, baffled. "Okay…" she said slowly. "Let me just find a stopping point." She pushed the nagging thoughts to the back of her head. Blue jello did sound like a good idea. Finishing up, she turned to Jack and gave him a small smile. "Lunch?"


	2. Chapter 2

Sam tossed her keys onto the counter and looked around. A string of curses from the living room caught her attention. "Jack?" she called. She peeked into the room, finding her husband glaring at the television. "What's up?" she implored.

"What's up is that this stupid TiVo didn't record 'The Simpson's' last night. I thought you set this for me," he grumbled.

"I did, last night before we went to dinner. I know I did," Sam told him, coming to his side.

"Well, it's not here. Some science show is, though. I wonder why."

"What are you implying, Jack?" Sam asked, crossing her arms.

"That you messed up. Again." Jack replied, taking on the same stance as his wife.

"_Excuse me?_" Sam exclaimed, her eyes wide in surprise. "I set it up, okay? I don't know what happened. And I don't appreciate you accusing me like that!" she retorted resentfully.

"And I don't like missing my favorite show!"

"That's just it. It's just a show, Jack. I think you're overreacting."

Jack moved in closer. "See? You hate it. You think it's a dumb cartoon."

"For crying out loud, Jack! I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you! I don't mind you watching, really I don't! Whatever happened was an accident. Maybe Teal'c recorded it. I'll call him, okay?" Sam said, trying to compromise.

"Sure. Whatever," Jack muttered, throwing the remote to the couch. He stalked out of the room.

Sam looked after him, concerned. She turned off the television and sank to the sofa. But she couldn't sit for long. She had a phone call to make.

* * *

"T! You're a lifesaver!" Jack grinned as he held the freshly burned DVD in his hands.

Sam nodded to her Jaffa friend in gratitude. "Yes. Thank you."

"Food's here!" the trio heard Daniel yell as the front door closed. The young man came into view, carrying three boxes of pizza.

"Excellent," Jack said approvingly, grabbing the top box and taking it to the living room. "This better be pepperoni," he called, flopping down on the couch.

Teal'c gathered drinks and plates from the kitchen as Daniel set the other boxes on the coffee table and Sam put the DVD in the player. It was all coming together quite nicely for their impromptu team night.

Everyone got what they wanted for dinner and made themselves comfortable. Jack sprawled out on the couch, Teal'c sat in the rocker, and Daniel took the large lounge chair. Sam frowned when she saw she had no place to sit.

She opted to make Daniel scoot over and make a space for her in the roomy chair. She looked to Jack, who sat munching on his pizza, oblivious to anything but his show. Sam held in a sigh.

The original SG-1 watched the program, the occasional laugh floating through the air. Even Teal'c chuckled a time or two. He'd begun to appreciate Earth humor, or at least Jack's. When it was over, Jack began to search for something new.

"Hey! 'Independence Day!'" Daniel pointed out. Jack kept flipping the channels.

"Too much like our day job, Daniel," Sam said, seeing Jack's reasoning. She playfully nudged him when he pouted. He grinned and pushed her back. "Oh, stop it, Daniel," Sam laughed, leaning comfortably on her teammate's shoulder.

Sam paused a moment when she saw Jack finally look her way. His eyes raked over she and Daniel, darkening for just a moment. He turned away, going back to his task of finding a new show to watch.

He ended up on 'Independence Day' again and groaned. He sat up, placing his plate on the table. He tossed the remote to Daniel, who barely caught it before it hit him square on the nose. "Here. You can watch it. But do you mind?"

Daniel and Sam glanced to each other, not quite sure what was going through Jack's head. "Oh…" Daniel stammered as he realized what Jack wanted. "Sorry." The bespectacled man rose from his seat and found a spot on the couch. Sam sent an apologetic smile his way. She wasn't sure what was going on with Jack the last few days.

"Ah! Whoa, Jack!" Sam cried as he practically sat on her lap. She pushed herself into the corner of the chair until he was situated, then threw her legs over his lap. Much more comfortable.

Jack's arms snaked around his wife in an almost protective manner. Sam didn't really mind, she just wished he would've been a little more considerate with Daniel. It wasn't like they were flirting. That was absurd.

At first, Sam didn't settle into Jack's embrace, but as the night wore on, the familiar banter picked up again and she felt more comfortable. Maybe Jack was stressed, though about what, she didn't know. Had something gone wrong at work that day? She'd ask him later, when they were alone.

"That was fun, guys," Daniel thanked his hosts. He yawned as he began to clean up the leftovers.

"Sure. Don't worry about that, Daniel. We'll take care of it," Jack told him. He hadn't moved, and Sam was snuggled into his side, half asleep.

"Are you positive, O'Neill? DanielJackson and I can be of assistance."

"Nah, don't sweat it, Teal'c. Thanks for the DVD," Jack replied, resting his head on Sam's.

"Okay, then. Night Jack. See ya tomorrow, Sam," Daniel said with a small wave.

"Bye!" the couple replied in perfect unison.

Teal'c bowed to his friends with a broad grin, then followed Daniel out the door.

Jack hugged Sam tightly and planted a kiss on her head. "Tired?"

"Just a bit. Did you have a good time?" Sam wondered as she absentmindedly massaged the rough skin on his elbow.

"Hey, that tickles! And yes, I did." Jack answered. "Come here," he murmured, pulling her into his lap. Sam was a bit surprised, but changed her position so that her feet now occupied the spot she previously had.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, why?" Jack tilted her chin up to get a better look at her face. He could see worry in her eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know… I…" Sam trailed off, unsure of how to broach the subject. He seemed fine now. Maybe the team night really had helped calm his nerves.

"Sam." Jack gently kissed her lips. "Tell me."

"Did anything happen at work today that you didn't mention?"

"No. It was a pretty mundane day, actually." He brushed his lips across her cheek.

"You just seemed a bit…off," Sam finally admitted.

"Really?"

"Yeah…this afternoon…"

"What about it?" Jack interjected.

Sam met his gaze, searching his eyes for understanding. Instead, she saw bewilderment. She saw the adorable look he had when something flew right over his head. Sam shook her head. "Nothing," she whispered, leaning in and pressing her lips to his.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam glanced up briefly from her book as Jack came into the bedroom. "Hey," she greeted him distractedly.

"Saaam," he drawled her name, crawling over her and depositing himself next to her side.

"Hum?"

"Can you put the book down for five minutes?"

"Sure," Sam replied, swatting him away as he tried to remove it from her grasp.

"You can't find that book more interesting than me."

Sam finally placed the book next to her side, smiling at the cute, but pathetic expression on Jack's face. "No, I don't. I'm just reading a chapter before bed."

"Bed?" Jack questioned, placing a hand on either side of Sam, trapping her not only with his body, but also with his piercing gaze.

"Yes, Jack."

"Why?" He trailed kisses along her jaw line, then her neck.

"Because I have a mission tomorrow." Sam gasped slightly as he nibbled her earlobe.

"So?" Jack's warm hand found the hem of her shirt and ducked under.

Sam tried her best to ignore his hand as it ran along her abdomen. "So I have to get to bed early. Come on, Jack. This isn't something new."

"Do you have to go?" Before she could attempt an answer, he captured her lips with his. Sam found herself responding to his kiss. It wasn't until Jack's hand crept _just_ high enough that she snapped out of it.

"Jack, no." she said firmly, pushing him away. "And of course I have to go. You of all people know that."

"Don't tell me no." Jack leaned in towards her once again, his eyes dark and fixed on hers.

Sam turned her head so that he only came in contact with her cheek. "What part of no don't you understand?" Sam said, anger in her voice. She tried to get up, but Jack's hand curled around her shoulder.

"You can get cozy with Daniel, but you won't give me a second glance?" His grip tightened and his jaw was set firmly in a scowl.

A flicker of fear raced through her mind, only to be quickly replaced with resentment. "What is that supposed to mean? Daniel is my _friend_, Jack. After waiting nine years to be with you, you think I'd hook up with Daniel? Think about what you're saying! How ridiculous it is!"

Jack didn't reply; his steely gaze bore into her.

"Jack. Get off of me now. Before I make you." She stared at her husband resolutely, hiding all traces of the trepidation that was welling up in her chest.

A few moments passed and Sam literally thought she _was_ going to have to be forceful with him. But then he released her and rolled to the other side of the bed.

Sam sat up and put her feet on the cool floor. Straightening her shirt with one hand, she placed her book on the nightstand with the other. She cast a glance in Jack's direction, and sighed. She didn't even try to hide it this time.

"I don't know what your problem is, Jack, but I suggest you fix it. If you won't talk to me, talk to someone. Good night." That was all she could say. Because even as she'd said the words, tears threatened to fall. This wasn't her husband. This wasn't the man she'd come to know and grown to love. She needed some space, and maybe he did too.

Sam tucked her pillow under her arm and picked up the throw from the end of the bed. She walked lightly to the door, turning before she made her way to the guestroom. Jack was on his side, faced away. "Jack?" She waited for him to react, but he never did. Sam continued anyway. "I love you, okay?" No movement. Dropping her gaze and pulling her bedding to her chest, Sam slipped out of the room.

* * *

Sam lay curled in a fetal position on the guestroom bed. The throw was lightly draped over her upper body. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn't asleep. Far from it.

An involuntary chill ran down her spine and she thought of the man in the next room. What had gotten into him?

They had been married three months, closer to four. Those had been the best three months of her life. Being with Jack was amazing. It was better than she'd ever expected. She'd finally been happy; she had what she truly wanted.

Sam had kept her job leading SG-1 and still enjoyed it immensely. The atmosphere was more relaxed at work; after all, there were no major threats to the galaxy anymore. SG teams made contact with other cultures, studied new technologies, and made new allies. The galaxy was a vast place, with many things to still discover.

Jack had handled being retried pretty well, or so she'd thought. He sometimes teased her, saying he was going to sneak off world with she and her team. Sam knew he missed it. She even knew he missed Washington. It hadn't been his dream job, but it was a _job_. That's why Sam was so thankful when Landry had asked Jack to do consulting work. He could get out of the house and sometimes even come visit her while she worked. It was almost like old times.

Everything had been going so well. Perhaps too well. Had they both had unrealistic expectations? She didn't think so. It was just within the last week or so Jack had begun to act uncharacteristically. Was it her job that was getting to him? They had discussed it one night and Jack had told her he wanted her to be happy and that SG-1 was a large part of her; he couldn't take that away.

Maybe he needed something else to do. He was a man of action. He could only sit back and be 'retired' for so long. Was her going offworld and having all sorts of adventures making him resentful? She could have just as easily retired, but Jack had insisted she have her cake and eat it too. He'd pointed out he really loved cake and there was no sense in sitting there just staring at it. Jack promised her he was fine with the decision. His time with the Stargate program was over. Hers wasn't.

Could it be he was dissatisfied with her? Sam had shot him down twice within a week's time. But he had always understood in the past. Her relationship with Jack wasn't all about sex. So many nights he'd just held her, knowing that was exactly what she'd needed. But just as many other nights… Sam smiled at the memories, but that smile was soon wiped from her face as she recalled the recent events. Jack had never tried to pressure her like that. Truthfully, it bothered her, and if she got right down to it, scared her. The way he'd looked at her…it was almost like…

Sam sat straight up. It was almost like the Broca Virus all those years ago. Aggressive, dominating behavior. Sam shook her head, leaning back. He was acting off in other ways. The thought of him being a Goa'uld flashed through her consciousness, but she quickly dismissed it. She was fortunate enough to be able to sense that type of thing. It all didn't sit right with Sam, and it was gnawing away at her. Just to calm her mind, she grabbed the bedside phone.

It was late, but she tried anyway. The phone rang once, twice, three times. Then someone picked up. "Dr. Lam, please. Yes, this is Colonel O'Neill."

Finally she heard the doctor's voice filter though the phone.

"Sam?"

"Hi. Sorry to bother you so late, but…"

"Not a problem. What can I do for you?" she asked.

"I was just curious. Um…have you had anyone report to the infirmary…with aggressive, maybe violent behavior?" Sam bit her lip as she waited for the response.

"No, I haven't. Why? Do you think something was brought back from offworld?"

Sam could hear the worry in Lam's voice. "No. Maybe. It's just…" Sam wondered if she could continue. She and Jack's relationship, though public knowledge now, was still very private. However, she and Carolyn had gotten closer the last year or so. They would never be fast friends like she and Janet had been, but she was in a position to help and could be trusted. Sam decided to press on. "Jack's been acting…different."

"How so, Sam?" the doctor asked gently.

Sam took a deep breath. "He's had a short temper with me, been possessive…"

"Has he been violent towards you?"

"No," Sam shook her head. "But he's got me worried."

"Well, I'll tell you what. Have him come in for a physical. You don't have to mention this conversation. But if you think there could be some alien influence causing this, even the slightest bit, we should check this out. Even if it's a very terrestrial reason, you need to find out what's happening."

"Okay. I might do that. Thank you. And Carolyn?"

"Confidentiality is my middle name. Don't worry. Goodnight, Sam."

"Night." Sam set down the phone, more at ease than she had been. She didn't know what was bothering Jack, but in the morning, they were going to set some things straight.


	4. Chapter 4

The microwave beeped, signaling Sam's oatmeal was ready. She pulled it out and stirred it a few times before setting it on the counter to cool down. It was just after five, and Sam was still tired. Sleep had not come easily the night before.

Sam's heart picked up its pace as she placed her hand on the bedroom door. She'd gotten dressed from clothing she'd found in the laundry room, but her shoes were in the bedroom closet. Besides, she needed to wake Jack. They had to talk.

She moved quietly into the darkened room. Turing on the bedside lamp, she gently shook Jack's shoulder. He muttered something and rolled over.

"Jack. Jack!"

"Wha?" he mumbled, resting on his back, rubbing his sleep filled eyes.

"Hey," she said tenderly.

"Sam? What time is it?"

Sam took a peek at the clock radio. "5:12."

"For cryin' out loud. What?" he grumbled.

Sam pursed her lips. "I have a mission this morning, remember? And I wanted to talk to you before I left."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." Sam moved as Jack threw the sheets to the side. He half walked, half stumbled to the bathroom. Sam shrugged, then grabbed her shoes from the closet.

Sam returned to the kitchen and began to poke at her oatmeal. Actually, she wasn't hungry. She pushed the bowl towards Jack as he leaned next to her on the counter.

"Yum." There was an air of sarcasm in his voice and he shoved the bowl away.

Sam had been hoping sleep would have bettered his mood. She gathered up as much courage as she could before speaking. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Sam disagreed. "You're not acting _fine_."

"What's wrong then?" Jack asked, staring directly at her.

Sam tried to calm her nerves. This was _Jack_. But at the moment, she felt like a cadet being stared down by the general. "I don't know. But something is. Could you possibly humor me and let Dr. Lam check you out?"

"Excuse me?" Jack almost laughed in disbelief.

"Jack, don't deny you've been acting strange. Maybe you're stressed. Maybe-"

"No! I'm not seeing Lam and don't even mention McKenzie," Jack spat, jamming a finger in her direction.

"Then explain last night to me, Jack. That wasn't you," Sam said, trying to stay calm.

"I was just playing around," Jack shrugged, crossing his arms.

"_Playing around?_" Sam asked incredulously. She thought of the slight bruise she'd seen on her shoulder that morning. "Don't give me that excuse. Don't."

"What do you want from me, huh? What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me the truth, Jack. That's all. I'm worried about you. I just want to help." Sam studied her husband closely, watching for his reaction.

"I don't need help," he finally responded. He turned away and Sam grasped his arm.

"Jack, please. I don't want to leave with you angry at me," she pleaded.

"_You're_ upset at _me_!" he said loudly as he faced her once again.

"No, I'm not. I just want to understand why-"

"Why what?!"

"Why this!" Sam yelled, waving her hand between them. "You won't even listen to me! You claim there is nothing wrong, but you won't give me the time of day!"

"Did you ever think you were doing the same thing? Look at you, running off on your mission," he said bitterly.

"It's my job, Jack. You knew that when you married me. It was part of the deal."

"Bad deal."

Sam's mouth dropped, stunned. There were a few beats of silence before she managed to respond. "When I put this ring on my finger, I signed on for better or for worse. I love you. I want to believe this is something that we can fix. We worked too hard for this, Jack!"

Jack jerked away from her hold, but Sam grabbed him with her other hand, catching him before he could leave. He spun around angrily, his free arm swinging through the air. There was a crack as his open palm connected with her cheek.

Sam stumbled back, more from surprise than the actual force of the impact. Her hand instinctively went to her face and her mind struggled to comprehend what had happened. She looked up to Jack, her lips parted in shock. His dark eyes met hers, unforgiving.

She felt rage, not fear, rise up. Her hand left her face, and before she even realized, she was retaliating. Jack's head snapped back at the blow. She imagined he was just as surprised as she was.

Sam could see him lift his hand again, but then he balled it into a fist. "Go to work, Colonel."

He turned and left, and this time, she made no attempt to stop him.

* * *

"DanielJackson."

"Huh?" Daniel replied as he flipped through his notebook.

"I feel there is something amiss with ColonelO'Neill," Teal'c stated solemnly. Sam had gone to check the perimeter of the building again, even though the planet was uninhabited.

Daniel paused and considered the Jaffa's words. "Yeah." He closed his binder and set it on his pack. "She seemed upset this morning."

"Indeed. When I questioned her, she was adamant nothing was wrong."

"Me, too." Daniel sighed. "I wonder what it is. She's been so happy lately, Teal'c. Happier than I've ever seen her."

Teal'c nodded in affirmation. "However, I believe something has been upsetting her longer than just this morning."

Daniel was about to respond, but he turned his attention to Sam as she walked in.

"It's all clear," she reported, shifting her P-90.

"As it was the last five occasions you checked, Colonel," Teal'c said in a slightly teasing manner. Then he grew serious.

Sam saw the change in his demeanor immediately. "What?"

"Sam, are you okay?" Daniel asked gently.

Suddenly, Sam felt very much like a deer in the headlights. "Yeah," she replied, almost too quickly. As Daniel got to his feet and walked over, Sam shifted uncomfortably. Teal'c even moved a hair closer.

"It seemed like something was bothering you earlier," Daniel told her.

"I'm alright now, Daniel. It's nothing."

"We believe it is something, ColonelO'Neill. Did someone distress you?"

Sam opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again. She was lying to them, just like Jack had to her. She was no better. They must have seen the uncertainty on her face, because Daniel pressed on.

"Was it something at work?"

Sam shook her head slightly. Of course Daniel and Teal'c would know something was wrong. They'd been best friends going on ten years. She'd been trying to go about her business as usual; she had a team to lead. But the image of Jack slapping her played over and over in her mind. It had done nothing but wear down her mood and morale, and now she was being called on it.

"Is it Jack?" Daniel asked quietly, searching her eyes. He didn't know why he felt compelled to ask her that. Surely it wasn't anything at home. But there was a nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right there. Sam's eyes confirmed his suspicions, even if words didn't.

Teal'c put an encouraging hand on her shoulder. "He is not here, ColonelO'Neill. You are only surrounded by friends who wish to help. You may speak freely."

Sam could not make herself form the words to tell them. It was hard enough to think it, but to say it? It would be confirming something she was hoping was just a nightmare.

"He…" Sam grappled with her emotions and forced her mouth to cooperate. "He hit me."

A stunned silence fell over the ancient ruins. It was so unthinkable that Jack O'Neill would harm her, so completely unbelievable, that for a fleeting moment, Sam wondered if they believed her.

"He hit you?" Daniel managed to get out.

The tears Sam had done such a good job of keeping at bay were threatening to break through the floodgates. "We, ah, got in a fight this morning…and he…slapped me."

"God…Sam." Daniel looked as though he wanted to pull her into his arms, but then decided against it.

Teal'c's hand moved to the center of her back, lending physical and moral support. "What transpired?"

Sam shrugged indecisively. "I don't know. He's been…he's not been himself lately. I asked him about it. We got into a fight and…"

"I can't imagine Jack doing that." Daniel saw the look on Sam's face and quickly reassured her. "I believe you…but what on Earth could possess him to do that?"

"I'm not sure of anything except he's been acting different towards me and it just came to a head this morning," Sam replied, thankful for her friends' support. She felt better knowing they had her back.

"I admit, I haven't been around Jack lately, but I noticed at team night he was…" Daniel motioned with his hand. "You know…"

Sam bobbed her head up and down. She knew exactly what he was talking about.

"What will you do?" Teal'c queried; his hand had not moved.

An overwhelming sense of sadness hit Sam. "I honestly don't know. I…I always swore that if a man ever hit me, I'd walk away from that relationship and never look back."

This time Daniel did pull her to his chest, her P-90 digging into his abdomen.

"But this is Jack," she choked out. "I love him, Daniel. I can't…" Sam squeezed her eyes shut, trapping the moisture. She wasn't going to cry.

"It'll be okay. You're not alone in this," Daniel said soothingly.

"I cannot comprehend O'Neill harming you. Perhaps he is unwell?" Teal' pondered.

Sam moved away from Daniel, but his hands still rested on her arms. "I considered that. This morning I asked Jack to see Dr. Lam, but he wouldn't hear it. He's been irrational, angry, possessive… Maybe it's me. Maybe I've done something to-"

"Sam, no. I know how much you mean to each other and how long you've waited for this. That man would die before he purposefully hurt you. Something else has to be at work here," Daniel contemplated.

The blonde smiled slightly. She hoped he was right. "So what now?"

"What do you want to do? I'm just translating."

"All that meaning of life stuff?" Sam asked.

"No. Actually, it might tell us where a cache of weapons are." Daniel returned.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I told you. Remember?"

Sam blushed. "Sorry."

"You have much on your mind, ColonelO'Neill. It is understandable," Teal'c pardoned her.

"Well, let's stay. You translate and I'll take another look around. Wanna come, Teal'c?" Sam looked to her friend.

"Indeed. Perhaps a walk would help you sort your thoughts."

Sam broke into a genuine smile. "Thanks guys."

She wasn't alone in this struggle anymore. Sam felt more confident that whatever was amiss with her husband was something that could be dealt with and fixed. She loved Jack more than she'd ever thought possible and she would do anything to help him. No matter how harsh or uncaring Jack had been, or wherever the path would lead them, she knew she'd be right there with him.

* * *

Sam drove up to her house, yawning. Watching Daniel translate was not tiresome, but worrying about your loved ones was. They had left the planet with a lead on the whereabouts of new technology and weapons. Hopefully, their next mission would be to retrieve them.

Her teammates had asked if she wanted them to stop by the house, but Sam had turned them down. She was tired and not prepared to deal with Jack that night. She was certain he was asleep anyway. Sam had promised to give them a call in the morning. It was then, after getting some much needed sleep, that Sam felt they could best help Jack. Before leaving, she'd told Dr. Lam they'd probably be seeing her the next day. All of them. It was going to be a team effort.

Sam shut the front door as quietly as she could. She continued through the house, fully intending to head straight to bed, when she noticed the living room in disarray. DVDs were scattered on the floor, the couch cushions ripped, and the rocker turned on its side. And that was just scratching the surface. Sam glanced to the kitchen. The same scenario had played out there as well. It was a mess.

Sam backed cautiously towards the study. She had a gun hidden away there. She peered into the room, her eyes scanning the area. Sam thought she heard something, and she froze in her tracks. She felt a sharp pain moments before her world became dark.


	5. Chapter 5

"I believe I am ready to retire, DanielJackson," Teal'c informed the young man.

"Okay. I guess I'll head that way too. It's nights like this I'm glad I still have base quarters."

"Indeed." Teal'c gathered the Jackal and the Hound game together and handed the Egyptian game to its owner. Neither had been able to sleep and had played a few rounds after catching the end of 'Return of the Jedi' on television.

Daniel shuffled his feet. "I guess I'm just worried about Jack and Sam."

Teal'c bowed in agreement. "As am I."

Daniel jumped as his cell phone rang. He barely got decent reception in Cheyenne and hardly ever received any calls. But since he was out of his office, and he'd promised Sam she could call him anytime, he'd decided to keep it close to his person. The Caller Id confirmed it was Sam calling.

"Hello?" Daniel thought he heard crying. "Sam?" Daniel met Teal'c's gaze and shook his head in puzzlement.

"Daniel? Oh, God…"

"Sam! What's wrong?" Teal'c stood to his feet at Daniel's words.

"I need…we need…help…" Sam gasped out.

"Are you hurt? Sam?" Daniel gripped the phone so tightly his hand hurt.

"I had to…stop him. I…I…" Sam didn't continue and all Daniel could hear was labored breathing.

"We're coming, Sam. Stay with me, okay?" Daniel ran from Teal'c's quarters, the Jaffa hot on his heels.

Daniel cursed silently as he lost the signal-but it hadn't been his phone. It was disconnected from Sam's end. He tired again, but it only rang again and again.

He and Teal'c waited impatiently for the elevator. They almost ran into the doctor they were searching for as the doors opened.

"Dr. Lam!" Daniel startled the woman as he grasped her shoulders.

"Dr. Jackson?"

"Sam needs help. She just called. She's in trouble. Jack too I think. We need a med team," he told her, trying to catch his breath.

"Both of them? Is this all you know?" Lam asked as they headed toward the infirmary.

"Yeah. I think…I think Jack…" Daniel couldn't finish. He rubbed his forehead with his hands.

"We believe O'Neill may be responsible." Teal'c volunteered.

Lam nodded, remembering her last two conversations with Sam. "I'll gather a team."

"Okay, meet us there," Daniel said, turning on his heel to leave.

"No. We'll go together in hazmat gear. O'Neill may not be…he may not be himself. We need to use all precautions."

Daniel nodded and Teal'c bowed. They didn't know what they'd find when they got there, but they knew to be prepared for anything.

* * *

Daniel and Teal'c were the first to enter the home. Teal'c held his zat gun at the ready, and sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had not heard Sam's voice, but he could tell by Daniel's reaction something was very wrong.

They entered the study, which was to the left of the front door.

"Oh, no… In here! In here!" Daniel cried, running to his friends.

Daniel bent down to Jack. He had a gash on his forehead and blood was smeared across his cheek, trailing from his nose. His gray shirt had fresh blood on it as well, from a wound on his arm. Daniel checked his pulse. He felt it through his gloves; it was strong and steady, but he was unconscious.

His breath caught when he saw a tarnished knife by Jack's leg. Daniel was trying to comprehend what he was seeing. "Jack, what did you do?" he whispered, turning to Teal'c, who was tending to Sam. Certainly he hadn't….

She was slumped against a bookcase and didn't respond to Teal'c's beckoning. He noticed red staining her clothing and hands. He could see the beginnings of a nasty bruise on her cheek. The telephone lay in one palm, a gun in another. She was breathing, but Teal'c could tell she was weak and in desperate need of medical attention.

Dr. Lam and the medical team hurried into the room and Daniel and Teal'c stepped back.

"Teal'c…I can't even fathom what happened here. How could Jack…" Daniel was trying to get the images out of his head. The images of his best friends unconscious and injured, seemingly by each other's hands. It was so very wrong.

"I do not know, DanielJackson," Teal'c responded solemnly. They looked on as the medics began to work on their friends. Teal'c and Daniel couldn't see much as the medical personnel swarmed around the couple. Maybe it was best that way.

"She said she had to stop him. From what?" Daniel wondered.

"I am unsure. Tough they are both injured, from what we know, I believe ColonelO'Neill was attempting to protect herself."

Daniel frowned. "Jack is the last person she should ever have to protect herself from."

Jack was the first to be extracted from the room. Daniel headed to the SGC along with him. Teal'c stayed behind to monitor Sam's progress.

"Teal'c?" The large man moved forward at Lam's calling.

"Yes?"

"She's awake, just barely. We're about ready to head out, but I think she wants to talk to you," Lam said, nodding towards the stretcher that was about to be wheeled to the waiting vehicle.

"ColonelO'Neill?" he asked softy as the doctor put the finishing touches on Sam, readying her for the trip.

"Teal'c…"

"I am here."

"Is he okay? Jack…" Her head lolled to the side, darkness claiming her once again.

Lam looked sympathetically to Teal'c. "It's the drugs. She's in a lot of pain, but nothing I don't think we can fix. Let's get her back to the mountain."

* * *

"So?" Daniel and Teal'c looked expectantly at Dr. Lam as she came out into the hall.

"They will both be fine."

The two men were visibly relieved. "That's great," Daniel smiled.

"It is. It looks as though they gave each other a run for their money. They are both pretty banged up. Jack's got a slight concussion and a bullet nicked him in the arm, but nothing really serious. As for Sam, she'll have a longer recovery. She was stabbed, but we patched her up. Fortunately nothing was majorly damaged. She'll need to take it easy for a few days."

"Very well. Do you know what caused this violence?" Teal'c asked.

"I think so. It's…complicated," Lam told them, pulling her clipboard against her chest.

"And?" Daniel prodded.

"Jack is infected with some type of life form. His body is riddled with microscopic creatures."

"What kind of life form, Dr.Lam?" Teal'c clasped his hands behind his back, waiting for an answer.

"Something not of this Earth, that's for sure. They're everywhere in his body, but more are around the hypothalamus and the amygdale. Both of these areas directly affect a person's aggression. This could account for his uncharacteristic behavior. His testosterone levels are high as well."

"Okay. But where did Jack get this?" Daniel asked, confused.

"Well, I'd say he got it from his wife," the doctor informed them.

Teal'c cast a glance in Daniel's direction. "How did this happen?"

"Sam has the same organisms in her system, but to a much lesser extent. I believe she is a carrier of sorts. It may even have something to do with Jolinar. She's immune to the effects of this, but she does harbor the life form."

"So how come Teal'c and I don't have this? We've been around Sam nearly as much as Jack. I know we've both come in physical contact with her," Daniel said.

"From what I can tell, this is spread by transfer of bodily fluids. Like you said, you've both been around her and Sam has been on and off base and there are no other cases. I believe Sam got it on P3X-589. During her examination after that mission, she mentioned she'd gotten blood on her hand from a local. I ran all the necessary tests and found nothing abnormal. Now if she had an open wound on her hand, no matter how small, that was an opportunity for infection. Or perhaps all it took was direct contact with the fresh blood. I'm not positive how every aspect of this works," Lam told them honestly. After all, it was alien.

"When you checked Sam after that mission, there was _no_ evidence of this organism?"

"No. At that time I found no evidence of any kind of infection, which leads me to believe that once this is spread, it begins to multiply, until it reaches critical mass, like it did tonight."

"Basically making someone go completely…wacko."

"In a way, yes. I imagine that, unchecked, the aggression levels would skyrocket to the point where suicide would look like a positive thing to an infected person. After they've caused a lot of other damage that is. Thank goodness it's relatively difficult to catch this from someone."

Daniel felt a flush in his cheeks as it finally dawned on him how Jack had acquired the 'disease'. He pushed away the awkwardness with a question. "This guy…the man that gave this to Sam in the first place… He wasn't acting aggressive when we found him. He was frightened. He was being chased down. He didn't appear to be infected."

"Well, we don't know how far along in the progression he was. It only takes one of those organisms to infect someone, Daniel. Sam's body is not swarming with them, yet she transmitted this," Lam responded.

"Indeed," Teal'c replied.

"Do we know how to help them?" Daniel asked, concerned for his friends' wellbeing.

"At this time? No. But I'm working on it. We may have to send a team back to the planet to find out. The people there were relatively advanced, maybe enough to be able to tell us what this is and if there's a way to help them," the doctor suggested.

"Perhaps," Teal'c agreed. "But we do not know how many are ill. The man being pursued may have been infected, but those in pursuit appeared hostile and aggressive."

"They could have had it too. An epidemic of sorts…something got contaminated and was introduced to the public somehow? Or maybe he was being tracked down because he was infected. I don't know." Lam massaged her temple. "I could be completely wrong here…"

"No, no," Daniel said, stopping the doctor with a wave of his hand. "It sounds plausible." He glanced toward the infirmary. "I doubt they know what's happening to them or that they could give us any answers."

"Ma'am? Sirs? Colonel O'Neill just woke up."

The trio entered the room after the nurse and came to stand at the foot of the bed. Daniel took the initiative and moved to Sam's side, settling onto the mattress. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," she rasped. Sam squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, before focusing on her teammate.

"How are you feeling?" he wondered, sending a small smile in the doctor's direction. She observed her patient with a watchful eye.

"Not so great. Ah!" she gasped, her hand flying to her side.

"You've been hurt. Take it easy," Lam cautioned her.

Sam ran her fingers over her hospital gown, along her stomach and side, feeling the slight bump of the bandages underneath the thin material. "Jack?" she asked, looking around the room, confusion evident.

"He'll be fine." Lam didn't glance towards the curtain in the back of the room. Behind that barrier was Sam's husband, restrained and lightly sedated. Until they knew how to help Jack, he was a danger to himself and to others.

Sam nodded, letting her eyes drift closed. No one spoke for a moment. They didn't want to press her, but they needed to know what happened. She solved their dilemma for them.

"He did this." She looked at Daniel with large, sorrowful eyes, nearly breaking his heart.

"Sam, no. Jack didn't do this to you," Daniel assured her. Sam's face screwed into an expression of puzzlement.

"O'Neill is ill," Teal'c informed her. "He could not control his violent behavior."

Sam looked between them, bewildered.

"Look, Sam, all you need to know is that whatever happened, Jack didn't mean to harm you." This information only slightly lessened the blow of the evening's events. Whether Jack intentionally hurt his wife or not, it had still happened, and would have to be dealt with physically and emotionally.

"I believe you," she replied softly. A few uninvited tears trailed down her cheeks, and she swiped at them. "Because the Jack I know…he would have never…" The last of Sam's façade crumbled away. She so desperately didn't want to cry in front of them. She wanted to be resilient. But the memories were too fresh and too painful, and she'd tucked her feelings away for too long. She tried to subdue her sobs, but the effort, from both crying and trying to stop, made her body ache even more.

"ColonelO'Neill." Sam turned towards Teal'c's gentle voice, and he could see the tumultuous emotions in the blue depths of her eyes. "It is alright."

Sam nodded, and let the tears flow freely. Teal'c wasn't saying everything would be fine. He was letting her know it was alright to cry, to be scared, to _feel_. Even still, she wiped the moisture away almost as fast as it tumbled down her cheeks.

She felt Daniel's reassuring hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. "We're going to fix this, Sam. I promise."

Through her distress, Sam heard a commotion from the far side of the room. She pulled her hands from her tear-streaked face, alarmed.

Dr. Lam, equally troubled, made her way to the curtained off area and disappeared behind the white partition. Sam sent her friends a questioning gaze.

"I'm not sure," Daniel told her uneasily. He winced as shouts emanated from a very awake and very angry Jack O'Neill.

"For crying out loud, what is this?"

Lam's more calm response couldn't be heard clearly.

"Let me outta here! Where's Sam!" A pause. "What? Tell me where she is! She's my wife!" he yelled.

Sam shrank back into the safety of her bed, flinching visibly at Jack's shouts.

"Don't tell me you side with that stupid bi-"

"Sir!" Lam thankfully interrupted. "I suggest that if you want to see your wife, you'll show some semblance of self control."

Then Jack let loose a string of expletives that even made Teal'c's face redden slightly.

The tears had abated and Sam was biting on her lip to keep them from starting all over again. She tasted the coppery tang of blood in her mouth. Even if he was sick, even if he couldn't help himself, the words still stung. He was adding insult to injury.

"Doc!" Jack roared her name and a clatter came from behind the sheet. Grunting and sounds of a struggle were heard. Teal'c sprinted towards the commotion. Daniel hovered protectively near Sam as the guards posted outside the room rushed in.

Sam froze as the curtain was pulled back, revealing Jack. His wild eyes locked with her fearful ones only seconds before Teal'c reached him. The Jaffa tackled him, but in a few swift moves, Jack had taken out the larger man and was moving towards Sam.

"Jack, don't do this!" Daniel warned, praying his friend would stand down. But Jack wasn't looking at him, he was focused on Sam.

"Sir! Don't make another move, or we will use force," an airman threatened. Jack smirked and moved forward with a purpose.

"Daniel!" Sam grabbed his arm, closing her eyes. _Let this be a nightmare…_

"Stop!" The sound of sizzling electricity filled the air and Jack slumped to his knees. Sam dared to venture a look. Her hand went unwittingly to her mouth as he convulsed. Jack's body spasmed a few more times, then he fell into an ungraceful and unconscious heap. The guard holstered his zat, then went to check on the stunned victim.

Sam didn't let go of Daniel as she took in the scene. Her husband, out cold on the infirmary floor. Teal'c brushing off his encounter to help Lam to her feet, the woman dazed. Daniel's look of disbelief, more than likely mirroring Sam's own.

This was wrong. So very, very wrong.


	6. Chapter 6

Sam dozed in her bed, her mind and body weary. Jack slept not far from her; Sam had insisted he stay in the same room. Despite everything, she still felt an intense love for him. She needed to be there for Jack. In a sense, for the last nine years, Sam had been his guardian angel, through thick and thin.

Guards stood nearby, keeping an eye on the restrained Jack. Dr. Lam wasn't quite sure how he had managed to escape his bounds or overcome the effects of the drugs, but he had. She figured it had something to do with the organisms that had taken over his body. This time, Sam had asked that he only be physically restrained and not sedated; that when he woke up, she wanted to talk with him. She didn't know if she could handle the verbal abuse, and she was pretty sure reason wouldn't work…but she had to try something, anything, to get to him.

"Gah!"

Sam's eyes shot open. She turned her head, almost too quickly, and felt a wave of nausea wash over her. She let it pass, then sat up carefully. Her gaze settled on Jack, who was blinking in confusion. He pulled at the straps that held him down. "Doc! What's goin' on?"

"Jack?" Sam spoke his name so softy she didn't think he'd hear. When he looked directly at her, she knew he had. When his eyes widened in horror, she knew he remembered.

"Oh my God."

A sob caught in Sam's throat. The sickened look on Jack's face was almost enough to undo her. She should have seen this coming. The guilt written in his eyes was only a fraction of the disgust and abhorrence she knew he felt. He would feel blameworthy, even though there was nothing he could have done. Jack jerked against the restraints. "Sam?" He was scared; she could tell. So was she. Terrified.

Lam rushed into the room, diverting their attention from one another. "Sir…Jack. How are you feeling?"

Jack shook his head, the only part of his body he could move freely. "Please...please tell me I didn't…"

"Everyone will be fine. Just let me take a blood sample and run a few tests, okay?" Lam asked, slowly approaching Jack's side. She couldn't be sure if he was really Jack.

"Yeah. Sure," he replied halfheartedly.

Lam performed the task quickly with deft hands, sending a small smile of encouragement Sam's way as she exited the room.

Sam's eyes traveled back to Jack. He didn't meet her gaze. "Jack?" Silence. "Jack?" she implored again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, finally acknowledging her. "Oh God, Sam. I'm so sorry…"

* * *

Sam was restless. Lam had informed her that it appeared the organisms were dead, but that she needed to run more tests. They'd taken Jack in order to do so. While she was hoping against hope that he was cured now, Sam still had a thousand worrying thoughts running through her head.

She knew Jack and she knew it was in his nature to shut people out when he was troubled. But she was struggling too, and she needed him to get through this. Sam didn't want to lose what they had finally attained just because he didn't want to face the facts. Jack didn't think what he'd done was forgivable, but Sam did; she'd forgiven him…but certainly not forgotten.

He hadn't said it in so many words, but Jack had basically told her to drop the subject when she'd tried to talk to him. Could they just pretend things would go back to normal? Sam was sick of pretending. She'd done that for far too long when it came to Jack O'Neill. But at the same time, she was scared of the whole situation. Even as much as she wanted to work things out with Jack, she wasn't sure if she was ready to dredge through all the emotions that still bubbled so close to the surface. She was still sorting through her own feelings.

Sam felt so lost. She wanted to be as far away from Jack as possible one second, then the next, she wanted nothing more than to hold him. But then part of her asked what the big deal was anyway. It hadn't been Jack who had done those things to her; it wasn't his fault. She didn't hold it against him, so why couldn't she just move on? That was easy to say until she closed her eyes and saw the man she loved and trusted with her life come at her with a knife. There was nothing easy about that at all.

* * *

Jack lay in his bed, curled on his side. In a way, he still wished he were restrained. He couldn't be sure he wouldn't try to kill someone else. According to Dr. Lam, he wouldn't, but still…

After many tests and hours of waiting, the results were conclusive. The organisms were dead and being absorbed by his body. From the looks of it, the zat blast had killed them. Lam had mentioned…Nish'ta? Yeah, that was it. This organism was something like Nish'ta in that an electrical shock could kill it-a shock strong enough to kill the creature, but not strong enough to kill the host. Jack remembered it from his experience with Seth.

Jack had requested that he not be taken back to Sam. He wasn't ready for that. He didn't know how he could face her, how he could talk to her about this. He'd done all those horrible things to her, even almost killed her, but she was ready to forgive him just like that. How could she let him off the hook? He wasn't worthy of that kind of love; he had never been worthy of Sam.

He knew he shouldn't think those thoughts. He'd not ever quite understood why a young, beautiful, super genius could fall in love with him, even after they'd married. But Jack knew her love was real and genuine, as was his love for her. This woman, along with Daniel and Teal'c, had let him live again, given him a second chance. Now he felt like he had completely screwed up all over again.


	7. Chapter 7

"Guys, you don't have to coddle me!" Sam complained, even though she didn't really mind the attention.

"Are you comfortable, ColonelO'Neill?" Teal'c asked as he finished situating the pillows around her.

"Yes, very. Thank you, Teal'c." Sam rolled her eyes even as she smiled. She'd been told to take it easy while her wound healed, but these guys were taking it to the extreme. It wasn't like she had never had stitches before. Though, she had seen where she'd been cut, and it was pretty nasty. The stitches trailed along her lower torso and up along her side. She'd turned right as he'd…

_Sam sprinted for the study, her wobbly legs barely able to carry her, but they managed to get her to her destination. Pulling open the desk drawer, she pushed aside papers, searching for her gun, something to defend herself with. She didn't want to grab the weapon, or to use it on him, but he had completely lost it. Sam could hear him coming, cursing and yelling. She had only infuriated him more in her attempt to escape him. She'd bloodied his nose, she was sure, and if he caught her again, she'd pay dearly. Her heart threatened to choke her as it beat in her throat. Never in her life had she imagined this scenario. Never. _

_She finally found the gun, shoved to the back of the drawer. Her hand clasped around it and she almost lost her nerve when she felt his presence behind her. For a moment, she had to forget this was Jack. This was self-defense. She spun around, and as she did, Sam felt a searing pain in her abdomen. And she squeezed the gun's trigger…_

"Sam? What would you like for dinner?" Daniel repeated, noticing Sam zoning out.

"Ah, I don't care," she muttered, sinking back into the couch.

"Jack?" Daniel asked.

The older man looked up from across the living room. "I don't care either," he mumbled.

Dr. Lam had kept the two in the infirmary for a few days. They'd eradicated the organisms in Sam and monitored them both for any signs of a relapse. Just as it had been a fluke Sam had contracted the organism, it had also been one that they'd been cured so easily. Lam also wished to have Sam off her feet for a bit to give her wound a chance to start healing properly under her supervision. It could have been much more serious, but she didn't want to take any chances. Their time in the infirmary had also given a team the opportunity to go in and decontaminate their home. There was no evidence of the events that had occurred a few days prior.

Sam and Jack hadn't spoken much at all while they were on base. McKenzie had even come in and tried to talk with them, but to no avail. In the end, it had been decided that Teal'c and Daniel would take the two home and help settle them back in. Neither Jack nor Sam posed a threat to anyone anymore, so there was no problem letting them off base. The couple had a lot of healing to do, and some of that would only come with time and trying to return to a somewhat normal life.

Teal'c finally decided on dinner for them, Chinese take-out. He and Jack went to pick it up, leaving Sam and Daniel to decide what they were going to do that night. Jack couldn't believe he'd ever entertained the thought Sam would cheat on him with Daniel. At the time, it had seemed so clear, but now he could see how foolish he'd appeared, the stubborn bullheadedness Sam had had to deal with.

As they drove, Jack could feel Teal'c's gaze upon him. "What?" Jack grumbled, when he could no longer take it.

"Nothing."

"T, don't tell me nothing. You've drilled a hole through my head. _What_ is it?" he pressed as he glided the truck to a stop at the restaurant.

"You feel responsible for what transpired. But you cannot change the past, O'Neill," Teal'c finally responded.

"No, maybe I can't," Jack sighed. "But it happened and I have to live with that."

"That is true. But do not forget to live."

Jack turned to his companion. "Is that sage Jaffa advice?"

Teal'c smiled gently. "Perhaps." He opened the truck door and headed inside to pick up the food.

Jack tapped the steering wheel thoughtfully. Don't forget to live. That's exactly what he had done when Charlie died. He'd pushed everyone away; it'd been too much. Now he was shutting out Sam. He was about to make the same mistake twice.

The truth was, he distanced himself from her to protect her. From what…well, he had no _logical_ answer. It just seemed the right thing to do. But it was also the stupid thing to do. He was scared, simple as that.

This was eating away at Jack. What he felt for Sam was so strong and ran so deep that…that he couldn't bear the thought of ever hurting her. All those years he'd spent watching her six offworld, and he'd been the one to… Jack had almost destroyed both their lives, and now what they had left was teetering precariously on the edge.

If Jack wanted to save his marriage, he would have to put his reservations aside. His guilt, his pride, his fear, everything that was holding him back, he'd have to get over it. He was sure Sam still had her own worries, but she had at least made an attempt. Jack wasn't accustomed to dealing with things this way; however, he would do it for her, anything for her. After all they'd been through together, the victories and the losses, he was not going to let Sam slip away that easily. It would be difficult, he was certain. But Teal'c was right, like always. Jack couldn't forget to live, and living meant Sam.

* * *

"I can't believe they air this stuff!" Daniel snorted.

"I concur, DanielJackson. This…reality television is not like actual life."

"Of course not, Teal'c. Actual life is boring, so they get these people," Sam told him, waving to the TV screen.

"I'd say our actual life isn't too boring," Jack said, shrugging his shoulders.

"No," Sam agreed softly. She didn't take her eyes off her husband as he rose to his feet and stretched. He'd actually spoken directly to her a few times that night. Baby steps, but steps nonetheless.

"Well, think I'm heading to bed," Jack informed them with a slight smile. They all bid each other goodnight and Sam mentioned she'd be along shortly. Jack nodded, then hesitated for a second; this didn't go unnoticed by Sam. He opened his mouth to say something, but them promptly closed it again.

"Jack?" Sam asked gently, a glimmer of hope in her voice.

He smiled tightly, shaking his head. "Nothing. Night, Sam."

The trio watched him leave the room. Sam sighed, closing her eyes briefly.

"He's trying, Sam," Daniel tried to comfort her.

"I know he is," she replied, picking at the quilt that was snug around her. "This is all just so…weird, I guess, is the word."

"Indeed," Teal'c nodded. "However, I believe if you both continue to move forward and support each other…I have no doubts you will attain what you once had."

"Thanks, guys. For everything," Sam told them earnestly.

Daniel grinned and straightened his glasses. "Sure."

"Oh," Sam yawned, covering her mouth. "Sorry," she apologized.

"Perhaps it is time you retired as well, ColonelO'Neill," Teal'c suggested.

"Perhaps so," she nodded. She pulled the blankets away from her body and gingerly sat up. She looked from Daniel to Teal'c, who didn't appear too eager to go.

"You want us to stay?" Daniel wondered.

Sam almost wanted to say yes. They'd offered before and she'd said no. If she'd let them come home with her that night… Sam shook her head. She didn't need them to stay. She could handle being alone with Jack. She could. Sam knew it was a large step; they hadn't been alone together since the incident, but she had to show Jack she still trusted him. She had to put that faith in him, to help get them moving in a forward direction.

"You guys get going. I'll be fine," she finally answered.

"Are you certain?" Teal'c gently asked, rising.

"Yeah. I need to do this," she said resolutely.

"Very well." Teal'c held out his hand and helped Sam to her feet. She winced slightly, then smiled gratefully at Teal'c.

"You've got my number," Daniel told her, tapping on the phone clipped to his jeans. Impulsively, he reached out and hugged her. He had some idea what she was going through. Daniel recalled the time he'd spent with the Replicator Carter. Seeing a woman who looked exactly like one of his dearest friends, but who was bent on domination of the galaxy. Who, in the end, had murdered him… Daniel had never told Sam, but for a while after that it had been hard…he'd had a few nightmares, a couple of moments when he'd looked at Sam and seen the Replicator. This situation was different, granted, but he could somewhat empathize.

Daniel released Sam. "You need anything at all before we leave?"

"No, nothing. Thanks."

"Okay," Daniel nodded. "We'll lock up. Night, Sam."

She leaned against the couch as she watched them leave. Sam gave them a small wave as the door closed behind them. Taking a deep breath, she looked towards the bedroom...

_Sam came to with a moan. The back of her head throbbed in pain. She looked around and found herself in the bedroom. She had been deposited on the bed. The last thing she could remember, she'd been in the study. Sam grasped her head and frowned. Why did she have a horrible feeling Jack was involved?_

_Her question was soon answered as her husband came into view. "Jack?" Sam questioned uneasily. He didn't respond, but sat down next to her on the bed. She cautiously watched him as he tapped the blade of a knife against his palm._

"_Jack?" His dark gaze locked with hers. "Wha-" Sam cried out as he brought the butt of the knife across her cheek. _

"_What are you doing?"_

"_What am _I_ doing? What do you mea-" The knife handle connected with her cheek again, assaulting the same spot. Sam didn't say another word, partially from shock, and that she didn't want to get hit again._

_Jack ran his finger over Sam's cheek, and she grimaced. Then it traveled down along her face until it came to a rest under her chin. Tilting her head up, he looked her in the eye. Sam didn't dare make a move. She lay deathly still, her breath shallow. _

_They regarded each other in silence. Finally, Jack stood up and began pacing the room. "I don't understand what's happened with us, Sam. Lately…I don't know if I can trust you anymore." He leaned against the dresser, arms folded._

_Sam sat up slowly, her back to the headboard. She swallowed hard, not sure how to reply._

"_Answer me!" Jack yelled, stabbing the knife into the wooden dresser top. He tore across the room to Sam. "Does your silence mean I'm right?" He grasped her shirt collar, pulling her towards him. Their faces were mere inches apart. "Does it!?" he roared._

_Sam was stunned. "No…no!" She found her voice and her courage. "Jack! No! You're not making any sense!"_

"_I'm not? You go off world on your little trips. I never see you. I doubt you even love me anymore," he seethed._

"_You know that's not true. I love-"_

"_Don't waste your breath. Your work has always been more important. For crying out loud, Daniel and Teal'c see you more than I do!"_

"_Your two best friends, Jack! Men you trust with your life, with me!" Sam reasoned, not breaking eye contact with her husband._

_Jack released his hold on her and she fell back against the bed. "You're wrong about that, Sam." He sighed loudly, rubbing his forehead._

"_But-"_

"_Shut up! You never know when to quit, do you?" He knocked the lamp off the stand in frustration as he got up._

_Sam took the opportunity given to her as he turned away for a split second. She scrambled towards the other side of the bed, hoping, just hoping, she could get away from him. She knew Jack could be dangerous and she wanted to avoid a physical confrontation if she could. At the moment, she was the one at a disadvantage._

_Jack was faster than she gave him credit for. Really, she should have known. His larger form pinned her down to the mattress. "Where ya going?" he breathed in her ear._

_Sam fought against his hold. "Let me go! Jack!" she protested. His warm body pressed into her from one side and the bedding from the other. Compiled with her terror, Sam felt like she was going to suffocate. _

_Jack grabbed a fistful of hair, yanking her head up. Sam gasped, but then gratefully inhaled the oxygen she needed. "Jack, please!" she pleaded as he flipped her over, being none too gentle._

_His angry gaze fell upon her. "You just proved me right."_

Sam tentatively took a step forward. She could do this.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam woke the next morning, her cheeks warm and damp. She had been hoping she'd get through the night without bad dreams. Jack was asleep on his side of the bed, curled into a ball. They'd slept as far apart as possible, repelling each other like magnets. But, Sam sighed, they had made it through the night in the same bed. That was something.

She padded softy to the bathroom. She'd showered the night before and carefully washed and cleaned her injury, but she knew she'd tossed and turned throughout the night. She needed to check it and probably doctor it again. She pulled out everything she'd need for the task and set it on the counter. A noise startled her and she turned, perhaps too quickly, towards the door.

Jack, with his hair sticking up in all its glory, leaned against the doorframe. The thought of being trapped ran through Sam's mind, but it was fleeting. "You, ah, startled me," she said, her fingers fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"Sorry. You okay?" he asked, the concern in his voice sincere.

"Yeah. I'm fine." She was lying terribly.

"Do you need some help?" Jack wondered. He kept his position at the door, but his eyes drifted to the items on the counter.

"I can handle it," she replied curtly. "I mean, it's okay," Sam softened her voice.

Silence hung in the air as neither made a move. Jack leaned on the doorframe and Sam stared at the counter. Finally, Jack cleared his throat. Sam looked up.

"Sam… Do you…do you trust me?" His voice was trepid. The wrong answer would crush him. Sam chose the middle ground.

"Do _you_ trust _me_?" Sam asked pointedly. Jack's words from a few days before resounded in her head. Surely he didn't mean what he'd said, but she needed to hear it.

Jack dipped his head, shame nearly making him turn and leave. But he didn't. Instead, he looked directly at his wife. "Yes, I do. Always have."

Sam nodded, embracing the words. "Me too," she told him softly. They were certainly doing a wonderful job of dancing around what they really needed to discuss. Sam sniffed slightly, reigning in her emotions. "Um, I need to do this, so-"

"Let me."

Sam raised her head in surprise. "What?"

Jack bit his bottom lip nervously. She'd heard him correctly.

"Um," Sam stuttered. She regarded Jack carefully. _This_ man was her husband. She had nothing to fear from him. They'd both just acknowledged their trust in each other; it was time to show it in actions, not only in words. He was trying…and she had to respond in kind. "Alright," she consented.

Jack blinked. He hadn't really expected her to say yes, but now he felt more optimistic than he had in days. "If you're sure…" A nod reconfirmed it. "Okay. Go on back to the room," he proposed. "I'll be there in a second."

Sam did as he asked. She slipped past him, back to the bedroom. Settling on the bed, she waited for him. She couldn't deny the fact she was a bit anxious. Maybe more than a bit.

Jack returned to the room, placing the materials on the nightstand. He was nervous, and he could see she was too. Jack wasn't certain he was ready for this, to see the pain he'd inflicted on her. Was it some sort of self-punishment? Or was it a way to start the healing their relationship needed? Jack couldn't afford to think about it too much. He focused on the task at hand.

"Lean back," he said gently. Sam complied, lying down and turning on her side. She had worn one of Jack's oversized T-shirts to bed. It was more comfortable than having pants dig into her side, even if they were loose fitting. Jack's hand rested on the hem of the shirt.

Sam sent him a small smile, reassuring him. "It's nothing you haven't seen before."

"No kidding," he teased lightly. He pulled the shirt up, over her hip, off her stomach and side, and until he could see the entire bandaged area. He twisted the excess material around, then tucked it under the rest of the shirt. "Okay," he whispered. So far so good.

He began to remove the dressing, slowly and carefully. Sam winced a few times and shivered as the cool air washed over her previously unexposed skin.

"Sam…"

She turned her head to see her husband better, and Sam could see the dismay on his face. "It's not as bad as it looks," she told him, trying to allay his fears.

Jack wanted to apologize, but sorry wouldn't be enough. His eyes followed the stitches from where they began to where they ended, etching the image in his memory. No doubt there would be a scar, a daily reminder, but he never needed to forget what he'd done. Maybe one day he could forgive himself, but that day was far in the future.

"You're going to have to be careful," he finally said. "Don't wanna pull the stitches," he warned as he surveyed the area. The wound had seeped a bit and definitely needed treatment. "Rough night." It wasn't a question, but a statement. He knew she'd not slept well. Neither had he.

"I've had better," Sam answered truthfully, shifting slightly.

Jack nodded, standing to his feet. "Be right back." He disappeared into the restroom and Sam could hear the water running. She ran her tongue along her dry lips. Maybe this was too soon. Perhaps she wasn't ready for this. She felt exposed and vulnerable. Sam hadn't felt that way around Jack in a long time. However, the last time he'd been in her personal space, he'd nearly murdered her. She took a deep breath as Jack entered the room, prepared to continue his work.

Sam gasped slightly as the damp cloth made contact with her skin. Jack paused for a moment, waiting for her approval to continue. Sam gave her consent with a nod, then closed her eyes and let him tend to her.

She could feel his hands on her side and abdomen, tender and caring. She knew his hands and she knew his touch. He had always protected her and comforted her; he'd never _intentionally_ raised a hand against her. But on the rare occasion Jack had…it had never been his fault, but it had also never been so serious. It had never threatened her life or hurt so deeply. Actions and words that she wouldn't soon forget raced through her mind.

Jack was ready to apply ointment to the wound, but he stopped short. His wife was quivering beneath his touch. And he was responsible. Jack could see the goosebumps that had formed on her pale flesh. He furrowed his brow, and despite his misgivings, he rubbed his thumb reassuringly along her side, just above her stitches. A tremor ran though Sam's body and Jack sensed it.

"We don't have to do this," he said quietly, removing his hand.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why…" Sam's voice shook slightly along with her body. "But I need to do this."

Jack shook his head. "Don't think you have to prove anything to me…don't feel obligated." Sam finally looked at him, and once again he felt guilty. "Look, Sam. What I did to you…you have every right to hate me."

"I don't hate you. I…I know it wasn't you that did those things. I _know_ it. But…I'm still scared. However irrational it may be…I still am," Sam whispered, the expression in her eyes heartbreaking.

Jack glanced away, a thick silence hanging in the air. Just when the quiet became unbearable, Sam spoke.

"But I'm not going to let my fears keep us from working through this. Me being afraid of you is as absurd as you blaming yourself for this. Yet we still feel that way…" Her voiced trailed off. "Besides," she said softly, "it's not all your fault. It's mine too."

Jack turned back to face her. "What?" He was somewhat flabbergasted that Sam could even attempt to take any blame for their situation.

"How do you think you got infected in the first place?" she reminded him.

Jack cocked his head, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Oh…" he said as realization dawned.

"Oh," Sam repeated, nodding knowingly. At first, she hadn't considered the possibility that she was partially responsible for what had happened. But she was. The organism had been transmitted to her, and she'd transmitted it to her husband. It hadn't been intentional, none of it had been. "I do feel guilty…guilty for infecting you and putting you through this."

"_You_ putting _me_ through this?" Jack asked in disbelief. It seemed a bit backwards to him.

"Yes…God…this is so screwed up, isn't it?" Sam turned her face into her pillow, breathing in deeply. "Either of us blaming ourselves won't get us anywhere. Let's just…let's just do this." Sam motioned to her side, which still needed to be doctored and dressed.

"Okay," Jack replied. He didn't know what to say, so he just tended to Sam. He was always better at actions anyway. His movements were hesitant and guarded. Jack shook his head slightly as he doctored her side. She'd been wearing sweats that night; the knife had sliced through the material easily. By turning when she had, Sam had avoided a much more serious injury. Jack remembered what he'd intended to do, and had she not moved, she might not… Jack chewed on his lip apprehensively. He'd been so close to losing everything.

As he worked, Jack felt Sam's gaze on him. She was watching him. It wasn't a fearful, wary look, nor was it trusting and at ease. She was just…watching him.

Sam observed Jack as he cared for her. This would help push the nightmares away at night. These images of him being gentle and compassionate were what she needed to imprint into her mind. These would replace the still fresh memories of an angry and abusive Jack. At night, this Jack was the one she wanted to dream about.

Jack reached across to the nightstand, and as he did, his eyes fell on her face. The purplish bruise on her cheek stood out starkly against her fair skin. He diverted his eyes quickly, shame welling up in his chest. Many of the physical injuries on both their parts were healing rapidly. They would soon not be constant reminders of that night. But the memories would last long after the last injury faded away.

There was still a great deal of healing and absolution that had to take place. It would be a journey, and one they would have to make together.


	9. Chapter 9

"Ya hungry?" Jack asked as the truck pulled away from Cheyenne Mountain.

"A bit, yeah," Sam replied, looking out the window at the familiar scenery.

Sam had gotten her stitches out that afternoon. Dr. Lam had said she was healing wonderfully. Sam knew she was only talking about the physical part. Emotionally, she and Jack were muddling through. Dr. McKenzie had tried therapy again, but Sam wouldn't talk to him about it, and Jack… Well, Jack had gotten kicked out of McKenzie's office-for the doctor's own safety of course. Even though they weren't making leaps and bounds, everyday marked a small step forward in making things 'normal' again.

"What do you want?" Jack wondered, his own stomach rumbling. He cast a glance in his wife's direction.

"I think Italian. You?"

"Sounds great. Take out?"

"Actually," Sam said, tapping her fingers against the armrest, "how about Joe's?"

Joe's was a hole in the wall restaurant. It was nice and cozy and somewhere Jack and Sam had gone on many a date. Jack was slightly shocked, but very pleased that Sam would suggest it. They hadn't been out together, even somewhere as mundane as a grocery store, since that night.

Jack grinned inwardly. "Joe's it is."

* * *

Daniel leaned against the doorframe, laptop case slung over his shoulder. Teal'c knocked, then clasped his hands behind his back. A moment later, Jack opened the front door of his home.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Hello."

An awkward silence passed. Finally, Jack waved them in.

"We just brought Sam's laptop by from work. She said she needed it," Daniel said, setting the case on the kitchen bar.

"Oh?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. I was talking to her earlier and she mentioned it."

"Really." Jack's voice was monotone. "She called you?"

"No, I called her. And she mentioned this in passing. I said we'd drop it by," Daniel said, watching Jack's face. He didn't seem terribly thrilled.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed, grasping the laptop off the counter with his large hands.

"She's in the back," Jack sighed, nodding his head toward the bedroom.

Teal'c bowed, then went to find the computer's owner.

"So…how's things?" Daniel wondered, pushing his glasses up and crossing his arms.

Jack shrugged silently.

"Bad day?" Daniel was concerned. He knew things were getting better for them, but were by no means easy.

"Maybe. I don't know, Daniel," Jack sighed, his tone frustrated.

How could he even begin to explain to Daniel what was going on? They'd had a decent morning. They'd talked a little over breakfast. Then Jack had gotten on the computer and looked up fishing gear on the Internet. He was hoping they could go out to the cabin soon. Sam had joined him in the study for a while, organizing and reorganizing the bookshelves. He'd known something was wrong, but didn't say anything. Finally, she'd set her books down and left.

He'd not gone after her. Perhaps he should have. Jack had found her later, washing clothes. He had asked Sam if she'd like lunch. It was a small gesture, but he could tell she was agitated that morning, for whatever reason. It was the least he could do. She'd taken him up on his offer, asking for a turkey sandwich with mayonnaise. That had been fine until she'd walked into the kitchen and found him with a knife in his hand, preparing her meal.

The tension in the room could have been cut with said knife. Sam looked at him, the discomfort obvious on her face. Jack almost dropped the utensil, sickened. Neither one of them had ended up eating lunch.

"It's just…not been one of our better days," Jack admitted.

"Okay," Daniel nodded. "Anything I can do?"

"If only," Jack wished, his eyes settling on the pattern on the kitchen tile.

"Some advice? Talk to her, Jack," Daniel suggested, following Jack's gaze.

"We're doing the best we can, Daniel."

"All the trying in the world isn't good enough if you keep dancing around the real problem."

Jack looked up at the younger man and nodded. "Yeah."

Teal'c found Sam in the bedroom, folding clothes. She smiled when Teal'c knocked on the open door.

"Come in," she invited, placing the towel back in the laundry basket. Teal'c handed her the laptop and she eagerly took it from its case. "Thank you!"

"You are welcome, ColonelO'Neill," Teal'c told her, sitting next to his friend on the bed.

Sam quickly forgot about the clothing and waited for her laptop to boot up. "I've been wanting to run a few more simulations," she said. "Did Daniel come by?"

"He is with O'Neill," Teal'c informed her.

"Oh."

The room grew quiet and only the occasional beep from the computer could be heard.

"Is all not well?" Teal'c asked, finally broaching the subject of her husband.

"It's…okay. We're trying to…get back to normal."

"That is good," Teal'c nodded.

Sam chewed on her lip, knowing the Jaffa was watching her. She sighed. "Teal'c, you'd think I was crazy if I tried to explain what I'm feeling to you."

"I think not."

Running her hand through her hair, Sam turned to him. He would have to know she was anxious with all her fidgeting. "Well, it's just that… My heart and my mind…" she spoke slowly, unsure of how to continue. "I have these conflicting emotions and…" Sam stopped as she realized what a horrible job of explaining she was doing. "This doesn't make sense," she grumbled. But as she looked to her friend, she saw a gentle smile on his face. She raised her eyebrow.

"I understand."

"You do?" Sam asked skeptically.

"Yes," he replied succinctly.

"Really? It hardly makes sense to me."

"Matters of the heart are never easy to sort through," Teal'c said wisely.

Sam sent him a small smile and squeezed his arm lightly. "You're right about that."

* * *

Jack plugged in all the necessary cords and hoped for the best. When the power button lit up, so did Jack's face.

"Yes! It works!" Jack announced, turning to Sam.

She smiled broadly at him. "As it should."

Jack had figured his Play Station would never work again. Evidently, he'd done something to it during his rampage when he'd been infected. He'd fiddled with it himself, trying to fix it. He didn't know how Sam would feel about repairing it, of what it would remind her of. Jack knew it had affected him to a certain extent. Finally, Sam had discovered him making a poor attempt at fixing the gaming system. She offered to repair it herself, and by the looks of it, had been successful.

"Thank you." Jack placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. Physical contact was still somewhat taboo.

"Is this why you married me? So I could fix your toys?" Her voice was slightly playful. Sam raised an eyebrow, waiting for a response.

"Well, that was one reason. An important one, too. Wanna play?" he wondered, jabbing his thumb at the television.

"Ah…no thanks. I'll leave that to you." The room took on a more serious air.

Jack couldn't stop the slight frown that formed on his face. He wanted to spend time with his wife. She always made excuses, usually work related ones. Since she was grounded from off world travel, Jack would often find Sam on her laptop.

"Jack," Sam sighed, "I have work to do."

"Can I help?" Jack knew full well he couldn't help her with all the scientific mumbo jumbo, but he could be moral support.

"Well…it's kind of stumping me at the moment." Honestly, Sam just couldn't concentrate on her work. Her thoughts kept drifting to other things. She was glad no one was depending on her to save the world at the moment. Sam hadn't intended to use work as an excuse to avoid Jack, but maybe that's exactly what she was doing.

"I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out. You always do," Jack reassured her.

Sam laughed lightly to keep from crying. That was her Jack. Never doubting her. She'd known something was wrong when he'd come in her lab that day, but she'd brushed it off. This support he was giving her now was what she had expected then, but had not gotten. "Thanks," she said sincerely.

Jack nodded. "Can I join you?"

"What, you don't want to play your game?" Sam asked, surprised.

"Nah. Let's do this now. Later I can kick your butt at something," Jack told her jokingly. He shut the power off of the system and television and stood to his feet.

"Oh, I don't think so," Sam countered.

"Huh?" came Jack's unintelligent response.

"I think _I'm_ going to kick _your_ butt at something." A small smile played on her lips. What Jack wouldn't do to see one of her full-blown grins.

"Oh, really? I think I'll take you up on that offer," he accepted. They'd taken a step forward, then back, then forward again. This was the dance they danced.

* * *

Jack pulled back the sheets and adjusted his pillow before crawling into bed. Sam dozed next to him, a book resting lightly on her chest. He lifted the hardback book and set it on the nightstand and flipped off her light.

He gazed down at his wife and Jack knew his face held nothing but adoration for this woman. He wanted to reach out and touch her so badly. Cautiously, he gave into the temptation. Jack ran his fingers along her temple, then tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"Wha?" Sam asked groggily, her eyelids fluttering open.

"You're tired. You fell asleep while you were reading," Jack told her, pulling away, back to his side of the bed.

"Oh." Sam yawned and blinked at him sleepily.

"Yeah…well. Goodnight." He turned off his own lamp and lay back on his pillow. Jack was restless. He wanted to hold his wife, to love her. He wanted things to be the way they had been before. Jack hated these barriers. They reminded him of all the years of unresolved tension between them. Except this was worse. If he could only get over his ridiculous fears like he told himself he could, he-

Jack's mind froze as he felt smaller, daintier fingers lace through his. His heart stopped as his wife's softer voice reached his ears. "I miss you."

With bated breath, he turned so he could see Sam in the dim light. She was staring directly at him and her griped tightened around his hand. "Yeah," he replied. 'Me too' hung between them, unspoken.

"Why do we do this to ourselves…why do we let these reservations stand in our way?" she speculated aloud.

"Because…we're both stubborn and think too much?" Jack guessed. He wondered the same thing himself.

"Maybe so," Sam agreed. "I recognize that we've come a long way these last couple of weeks. But…"

Jack wasn't sure where this conversation was going. He was pretty sure they needed to talk, but that wasn't his strong suit, especially when he(and she) were half asleep.

"Can you just…" Sam paused and did not continue.

Jack knew instinctively what she wanted. "Come'ere," he murmured, tugging slightly at her hand.

Sam rolled towards him, willingly moving into his arms. This wasn't as difficult has she had thought it was going to be. It felt right. She rested her head in the crook of his arm and her hand slid along his chest until it rested above his rapidly beating heart. Her other hand remained locked with his, trapped between them. Sam knew he was nervous. She pressed herself closer to reassure them both.

"You sure about this?" Jack whispered gently. When he felt her nod, he relaxed a bit. He let his free hand travel into her blonde locks. With tender, soothing strokes, he ran his fingers through her hair.

Sam closed her eyes, relishing this act of affection. This was how he would soothe her after a rough day at work. He knew exactly what to do to calm her jangled nerves and still her restless mind.

Jack continued the comforting motion for a while longer, ceasing only when sleep had finally claimed them both.


	10. Chapter 10

_Jack flinched and backed away as the shot glanced off his arm. Sam gasped as she fell against the bookshelf. She pulled her hand away from her side in shock, blood staining her fingers. What had he done to her? Sliding down to the floor, she couldn't comprehend why there was so much blood. That was when she saw the knife in Jack's hand._

_Sam tried to clear her mind, to focus on saving herself and stopping him. He was slowly advancing on her, enraged by the wound that was now seeping blood through his shirt and down his arm. Sam grasped her handgun, though her fingers would barely hold it up. Her aim was anything but steady as she pointed it at the angry man before her._

"_Jack, please!" she begged. "Stop!"_

_He did stop. His eyes traveled down to her waist and took in the pain he'd inflicted. The fact that he didn't seem sorry at all frightened Sam. In fact, he seemed pleased. "We're not done yet," he taunted, waving the knife teasingly in front of her. _

"_What are you doing? Jack, it's me!" Shooting pains ran through Sam's abdomen. She clutched her side, her attempts to stop the flow of blood futile. _

_Jack took another step forward, "You gonna stop me? You gonna shoot me again?"_

"_I don't want to, but you know I'm capable. I won't miss this time, Jack," she warned. Her voice shook, belying the in control impression she was trying to pull off._

_Another step. "You won't shoot me." Her own blood shone on the knife. _

_Tears sprang to Sam's eyes. "Please don't make me do this." A cold and unyielding stare gave no indication her pleas were having any influence. "Jack?" He couldn't be doing this. The man approaching her was not her husband. This was all a dream. It had to be. _It had to be.

_Her aim began to falter despite herself. Maybe she couldn't shoot him, or perhaps the adrenaline was starting to wear off. Sam wasn't sure. But as Jack took advantage of her lapse, she saw another way out. _

_As he rapidly approached, Sam grabbed his ankle between her feet and twisted. As Jack fell, surprised, he couldn't stop his head from connecting with the desk corner. He hit with a sickening thud, then his body finished its descent to the floor. _

"_Oh, God!" Sam cried in relief. She looked at Jack's motionless form and the gash on his forehead. She closed her eyes, breathing heavily. It was not the time to go into hysterics. She needed help. _

_Sam scanned the room for the telephone. She found it only a few feet away, knocked to the floor by Jack. She breathed in sharply as she reached for it, her midsection protesting the movement. _

_Sam's fingers clasped around the phone so tightly her knuckles would have been white but for the blood smeared on them. Her gaze settled on her wedding ring and the dark red that tarnished the diamonds. _

_That was when the tears came._

When Jack woke, the first thing he was aware of was the dampness of his T-shirt. The next thing he noticed was the quiet sobbing of his wife. Jack could feel the guilt come rushing back and he physically hurt at the sound of Sam's weeping. How many nights had this happened and he hadn't known about it? How could he live with himself knowing he was responsible for this, and that despite the advances he thought they'd made, Sam was still plagued with nightmares?

"Sam?" he whispered, shaking her gently. "Come on, wake up." He rubbed her back soothingly. He wasn't going to run away, even though that was his instinct. Jack had to face this with her, help her through it.

"No," she mumbled, burying her head into his chest. Her fingers gripped the fabric of his T-shirt as she continued to dream.

"Sam. Hey, Sam." Jack spoke more loudly as he shook her sleeping form again.

"What?" Sam's head shot up and she looked around in confusion. Finally, she focused on Jack. Her eyes widened slightly and she pushed away from him.

"It's me, Sam. It's okay." Jack made the mistake of holding on to Sam as he tried to reason with her.

"No!" Her voice was raised and Jack could hear the undertones of terror. "Don't touch me!" Sam shimmied away from Jack and scooted to her side of the bed. Heaving a shuttering sigh, she rested her head in her hands, trying to gather her thoughts.

Jack pulled his sheets back and moved towards Sam. She lifted her hand, stopping him. "Just...don't."

"But…" Jack didn't know what to say. He struggled for words, and when he didn't find any, he made a decision. "Fine."

He got off the bed, the mattress squeaking slightly. Jack couldn't even bear to look back at his wife as he left the room. Leaning against the hallway wall, he crossed his arms, frustrated. Telling himself he could help her through this, help _them_, what a load of crock. He'd tried to get over his reservations, to open up to Sam and not push her away. Jack wanted this to work out and he was doing the best he could. It wasn't good enough, obviously. He honestly didn't know what else to do.

Jack turned as the bedroom door creaked opened. Shaking his head, he headed down the hall. He needed some air…or something.

"Jack?" Sam's timid voice almost halted him in his tracks. "Jack, wait." He came to a stop at the end of the hall.

He could sense Sam come up behind him. She grabbed his hand, pulling him around to face her. A lump formed in his throat at expression of sorrow and regret on her face. "I'm sorry…I was just confused. I didn't know what…what was going on. Please." Sam's wide eyes studied him, waiting for him to answer, to give her some indication of what to do next.

"I don't want to lose you." Jack choked out the words. The struggle of the last few weeks had worn away at them both. Maybe it was time to say what needed to be said. "I _can't_ lose you."

Sam's jaw dropped slightly. "Jack, no! You're not going to. I'm here." She grasped his other hand, pulling both of them up to her cheeks, resting her smaller hands on top of his. "Right here."

Jack couldn't quite meet her eyes. "I did and said things that…that I can't ever forgive myself for. How many more nights will you have nightmares because of me?"

"So I have a few nightmares. That's normal. But tonight…" Sam closed her eyes and breathed in, then exhaled. "Tonight showed me we're going to be okay. We both have issues, I know. Why do you think it took so long for us to have a real relationship? Why do you think we're taking this so badly?"

Jack nodded slightly. She was making sense.

"I still love you, Jack." Sam could see a spark of hope in her husband's dark eyes. "And the fact that this is affecting you like this…it means you still love me too. Am I right?"

"Yes." He whispered the word.

"I was sure you'd completely shut me out. But you didn't. And that means a lot to me. I know I've not been totally upfront with you. I've been scared, I admit." Sam's hands fell away from Jack's and to her side. Her gaze was downcast.

"Me too," Jack told her. Sam looked up at him, startled. Running his thumbs along her cheekbones, Jack continued. "Scared I'd relapse and hurt you again…that I'd ruin my second chance."

They'd been skirting this issue, and now was the first time they'd _really_ talked about it. Sam leaned in, grazing his cheek with a kiss. "You haven't ruined anything," she replied softly.

Without hesitation, Jack drew her into his arms. "I love you, Sam," he breathed into her ear.

Those three words reached right down to Sam's core. He had certainly told her that before, but never with such intensity and devotion. Jack rocked her, holding her as close as humanly possible. Sam clung to him just as tightly.

Her heart was pounding wildly and sobs threatened to choke her as she struggled to speak. "I love you." She managed to get the words out just before the tears spilled down her cheeks. And though Sam was tired of crying, this was different. For the first time in a long time, her tears weren't tears of grief and hurt, but of joy.

----

8 months later

Jack lay awake watching her, just watching. Her hair was a bit longer now and her bangs fell over her long, dark eyelashes. Her lips were parted slightly and she inhaled and exhaled softly as she slept. She looked so serene.

Throughout her time at the SGC, Sam had accumulated quite a collection of scars. Most were tiny and unnoticeable, but Jack knew where each one was. One, however, had not been obtained on a mission. It was not small or forgettable. Though not as red and angry as it had once been, it still marred his wife's silky skin.

Jack trailed his index finger along the mark and Sam stirred ever so slightly. He rested his hand on her hip, smiling as she fell back into her deep slumber.

It was their first anniversary. A little over eight months ago, Jack had feared he would never see this day. It hadn't always been easy, and sometimes still wasn't, but they were making it-they _would_ make it.

It all astounded him. Being able to be with Sam in the first place, that was a miracle in and of itself. After all the years of waiting and hoping, they'd gotten their chance. But to still be going so strong today…after everything…it never ceased to amaze him.

As his gaze settled back on Sam's scarred side, Jack noticed he didn't feel the guilt he once did every time he saw it. The remorse was still there, yes, but it didn't eat away at him constantly. The scar was a reminder of that night. Yet, it didn't bring back all the horrible memories it once did. If anything, it reminded Jack of how far they'd come and just how far they'd go for one another.

He pulled Sam to his chest and threw the blanket over them. Sam instinctively wrapped her arms around Jack and settled her head beneath his chin. Her hair tickled his nose and he laughed softly.

Jack wouldn't trade this for the world. He wouldn't even go back and trade in the years of longing or keep that fateful night from happening. Their love had been tested and their commitment tried. But what would love be without its struggles, for those had brought them to where they were today.

_What is love not tested?_

_What is commitment not tried?_

_When it is all said and done_

_True love will abide._

A/N: Well, that's it. Thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoyed the ride.


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